okay, Bethany….you tagged me a while ago and I think I’ve drug my feet long enough.

I am supposed to list ten random things that are “weird” about me. not to brag folks but I am actually pretty normal. in fact, if there are 10 weird things about me and I do post them here, I’m afraid of losing all my normal readership.

here’s hoping you’re all a bunch of FREAKS.

WARNING: this is an extremely lengthy list. probably because I had to try and excuse all of my weirdness!

#1. I had a hysterectomy at age 28.

so many people let their jaw drop wide open when they hear this. “why?” as if I had a selective head transplant or something.
I lived for almost a year with constant dysmenorrhea two to three times every single month. agony and pain likened to that which normally results in a newborn baby hours later.
I decided enough was enough and I met with my doctor and a partial hysterectomy was her suggestion. when I found out I would get to keep the factory but would only be getting rid of the housing department, I decided I could handle it. (aka; keep the ovaries, lose the uterus.)
also I have a history of cervical cancer on my mother’s side, so this all seemed like a very logical conclusion.

I have never regretted the decision. not once. I have no emotional side effects and HELLO! I no longer have my cranky-butt aunt stopping by once a month to pick on me for close to a week.

okay that’s enough of the icky female issues talk.

now on to #2. my dad built a hovercraft when I was three.

all of my friends found this, well, different. how many people do you know, outside of the Everglades, who own a Hovercraft?
my dad and my uncle would bring both their hovercrafts down to the Columbia River and we would have annual Hover Rally’s over Summer Break. I have fond memories of playing on the beach until my skin began to blister and peel.
Ahhhh…good times!

#3. when I was a teenager, I suffered from Insomnia. I would often stay awake until 6 in the morning and take a quick 2 or three hour nap to recharge my batteries.
I call this “training” for when I began having children!

#4. on one the many nights that I was up all hours, I was sitting in my bedroom reading when I swallowed and suddenly realized there was something stuck in my throat. it was painful and I began choking and coughing.
with tears running down my cheeks and mental pictures of a hideous freak tumor, my parents took me into the ER at 3 in the morning.
gagging the entire time, the doctor reached down with his freshly sharpened tweezers and pulled out (painfully) a plum sized wad of gum.
(I still get teased by my folks over that one.)

#5. you may also file this one under E for embarrassing.
when I was about 15, my dad was outside working on the yard and asked me to back the car about 5 feet so he could get to the area in front of the porch.
as he poked his head in the car window and slowly explained how to keep your foot on the break BEFORE you put the car into drrrr……..
CRASH!
I ran the car up onto our front porch! a good 5 steps up. thank goodness the steps were there to keep me from ramming through the front door!
ever since then, I have had terrible luck with cars. to date, I have been involved in about 8 car wrecks! ( there should be a pill for this.)

#6. when I was about 16, I was working in an antique store a couple days a week. a very disturbing individual began coming into the store and asking for me by name. I didn’t know him and I was pretty certain I wanted to keep it that way. he would buy me a Snapple and bring it into the store and leave it for me. every day I was there. I was picturing this guy going back to his home with pictures of me on all over his walls! with pictures of him cut out and pasted next to me.
*shivers*
after about a month or so of my boss telling the guy to get lost, he finally stopped coming in. I’m imagining him in a mental institution somewhere or possibly he’s an antique dealer.
*more shivers*
to this day, I cannot drink a Snapple!

#7. when I was about 13, I developed a brief fascination with fire.
I’m pretty sure you guys know where this is leading.

I call it “brief” because after the firemen came and bawled me out for the better part of a half an hour, and my entire neighborhood lined the street outside the front of our house with mouths wide open and fingers pointing, I decided to move onto safer, less risky hobbies.

#8. in fourth grade, I went to school in a small town less than 15 miles outside the city I live in. I liked a boy named Mike and when he passed me a note with “do you wanna go out with me? check YES or NO, I checked YES.
he rode his bike home from school every day and I would ride the school bus back into town.
one afternoon, he rode his bike alongside the bus, as I waived and grinned sheepishly.
before you knew it, he cut accross the busy highway running through the middle of town and got struck by another school bus. luckily the section of highway was a reduced speedlane and the bus had just pulled out onto the road.
I remember coming home and sobbing on my mothers lap. the world had ended. the next week, he was back at school with a cast on his foot and we went our separate ways.
(I guess he saw this as early signs of “Black Widow Syndrome”.)

#9. file this one alongside #1 and #4, under G for GROSS.
maybe it’s all those car accidents I’ve been in……
I can pop my right hip out of it’s socket. you can actually see the hip bone pop in and out right through my pants.
so, if this Crafting thing doesn’t pan out, I can always join a traveling freak show and take the kids on the rode. (you all are well aware of all their freaky tendencies!)

and finally #10. I have the World’s greatest husband! I am not joking here people.
all three times I was pregnant, he made me breakfast, rubbed my feet and back. called in sick for me when I was up puking, and he stayed by my side kissing on me and coaxing my clammy forehead while I screamed at him in pain through all three labors.
I am quite possibly the most sarcastic person in world history. and my target audience is almost always my dear, innocent husband.
but he does not complain. he stands there and rolls his eyes and keeps his mouth shut.
I don’t have to do any grocery shopping, either. he does all of it. he also cooks and does dishes and laundry.
from the very first time I met him, he has said “I love you” on a daily basis. daily is probably even an understatement. he says the words like some people clear their throat before talking. it is constant. and he tells me that I am beautiful. he still acts impressed when he sees my stretch-mark laden stomach and ever-widening bottom under wraps. I gained 25 lbs after my first child, and he didn’t say a word. when I told him to go buy me my third Granita in the course of one afternoon, he kindly obliged.
not only does he get up at 5:30 every morning and work until 2:30, when we are short on money, which is like, always, he works for his dad in his machine shop until about 7 pm and often on the weekends.
he doesn’t complain about it either.
I am pretty sure there is a very minuscule percentage of breed of husband like this who exist.
but I feel very fortunate to have one of my very own.

especially, considering how weird I am!

now, I must tag ten people. I apologize to them in advance.

Bari
Claudia
Evie
Heather
Jen
Lauren
Nin
Richelle
Sarah
Wende