As a mother of two boys, I’ve encountered some things that would make your mother blush.
After having a girl, it became quite clear the stark difference between boys and girls. My yellow toilet bowl and supply of anti-racing stripe strength Bleach are a strong testament to this.
My boys leave me dumbfounded on a daily basis, thinking up new and inventive ways to crush any hopes that they may someday manage to make it to age 12.
Between the fist fights, running with scissors, sliding down the stairs in laundry baskets and riding their bikes naked, I often seek comfort by assuming that these must be things that are common among little boys.
But this afternoon, my 2 year old had me questioning “life” itself.
I can’t imagine what on earth this child was thinking when he found himself covered in a wad of gum and came asking his mother for help in removing said gum from said one’s
“member”.
In all my days, in all my “mother of two boys” life, I have never experienced the horror that is
slathering peanut butter on your 2 year old’s nether region.
No mother should have to succumb to this.
And I am pretty certain the lady OR gentlemen on the other line of the Jiffy 1-800 24 hour support line doesn’t want to either.
My unsympathetic mother tried making light of the situation by stating that “at least he has no hair there, yet!”
Gee, thanks. mom. Thanks for reminding me of one more thing I have to look forward to.
20 responses to “There’s a first time for everything…”
Your mother’s response is hysterically funny. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t laugh, but Kalurah, I can’t help it. 😀
I needed a laugh today more than you could know. THANK YOU!!
My hubbie wanted it to be made VERY CLEAR when I called my mom that Zander was the one with the dilemma and not HIM!
The first word’s out my mouth when she answered her phone were, “How do you get gum off of a penis?”
Cue the laughing Hyenas.
I am so sorry for what you went through, but I have to say your mom cracks my butt up. She truly is a glass-is-half-full kind of girl. I mean, she has a point.
I will never look at peanut butter the same every again………..
Wow, Kalurah. I’m dumbfounded too. If it makes you feel any better, that is totally something my mom would have said to me. She also would have said something about pay back for something or another that I did as a child. 🙂
OH MY!!! I’m not sure what else to say. But the next time I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich this little story will come to mind.
As a mother of a 13 year old, I completely sympathize. And I can tell you that the hair you have to look forward to is every bit as mortifying as you imagine.
I cannot imagine. Well, actually, I can. I’ve had ER visits for bb pellets stuck in the ear, rocks swallowed and something shoved up the nostril (not a finger–can’t recall–clearly blocked it from my memory). Oh, and all have had haircuts because of gum. I have to say, yours takes the cake!
Oh man, this just reinforces my childbearing mantra…. GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS!!
But, on the bright side, you can hold this over his little 16 year old head for some good behavior!!
I love how you and Jach just roll with the punches. You guys are such amazing parents!
OK,
I have to tell you that this sotry made me laugh very hard, and it makes me feel so damned happy that I am a mother of 3 girls.
(Long deep breath)
Now, I’ll fess up. I actually had to take my daughter to the ER because she thought she’d lost her barrette… in her vagina. You can just imagine how fun that was to tell the attending physicians and nurses why we were there. THEN, turns out it was in her pocket the whole time. Can you say “therapy?” Lots and lots of therapy.
I want you to know, I really do sympathize. After all, I am mother to an 18 year old boy who has had his share of strange behavior (“You are not a cartoon character!) and oddball illnesses. And yes, the hair is mortifying and makes Mom get a little more gray in what little hair she has left on her poor old head. As I always say, the older you get the more you learn to not sweat the petty things or pet the sweatty things.
Whahahwhahwhahwwhhahahahahaha!!!!!
OH MY GOODNESS! How funny is this!
(straighten up, stop laughing and put on serious face)
I mean, ahem, SO sorry about that. This sounds bloody awful. Poor boy. Hopefully, he won’t remember it.
snicker, snicker.
And, Ahna??! OMG? How have I not heard that story?
mine is grown, so i can laugh….now.
and ahna, your story should be told at the wedding reception!
Oh good golly, that’s horrible and wonderful in an awful way. Oh my… So what was he doing with the gum in the first place? No, wait. Not sure I want to know.
I love your mom’s response, and her comment…. pet the sweaty things indeed… oh my.
Now, I only have girls, but I have had the joy of pushing my youngest’s rectum right side in. Constipation crossed with a temper fit of “I will do this NOW!” caused her to turn inside out. Oh what a moment to see THAT sticking out… and what a great story to share in the ER. Children bring such joy to our humdrum lives!
As a mother of two boys (now grown) this made me laugh hysterically! I would have said the same thing that your mom said.
It also brought back the memory of trying to remove a tick from my 5yr old son’s testicle! What an operation that was.
Little boys! I had to laugh, I’m sorry.
laughing….just laughing 🙂
Oooh dear…. the things I have to look forward to….
Robyn,
You have NO idea! Come hang out at my house and you’ll swear off sex for the rest of your life!!! ; )
Don’t worry they will make it to 12 and much more. My mom takes care of 3 boys from ages 2 to 10. They do stuff that would scare you to death. They fall, they fight, they do everything you might and may not think its possible, sometimes the consequence its a trip to the hospital but there was never broken bones or anything serious. They are terrible, they do things that would give you a heart attack, once one of them almost gave me a broken nose while playing with him.
They will survive, I just wont ashore you that your heart will, because your heart may get some serious scares while they are growing up.