I thought I was ready for this.
I thought I was better prepared.
how do you prepare yourself?
for the day your firstborn walks through the doors to her new “life”.
up to this point, it has been helping mommy out at home.
keeping mommy sane by playing with her brothers while mommy gets stuff done.
everyday life revolved around home.
and all that it entails.
mommy.
daddy.
Zachary and Zander.
now, life is somewhere else.
at least, for most of the day.
my baby girl’s world has expanded in a blink of an eye.
she’ll meet new people, learn new things and develop friendships.
today, we met with her teacher and she did some testing to place where she’s at.
I sat there, observing.
the teacher no sooner asked the first question and there I was, butting in already.
“Honey, did you understand the question?”
which was quickly returned with a
“Now, mom. Do I need to send you out of the room?”
at this point, I had to choke on my motherly instinct.
slowly swallow it down and try hard not to let it eek it’s way back up.
I sat there watching my girl, listening to her new teacher.
following her direction.
giving her her undivided attention.
I was jealous.
I couldn’t stand it.
it took all my strength not to sit there and cry.
as independent as she is, I’ve always been the one she goes to when she doesn’t have the answer.
it’s me.
me.
this is when I have to step outside of myself and take a good long look at how ridiculously silly I sound.
how selfish.
when we left the school and headed to the car I asked Zoe if she thought she’d like school.
she began to cry.
I knew it!
she loves me too much.
she cannot replace me with another.
oh. my sweet, loyal baby girl.
“I wanna stay here longer, mommy.”
oh, Kindergarteners.
so very fickle.
11 responses to “oh, her fickle heart…”
Kalurah,
You asked where I’ve been and I’ve actually been going through the same thing as you. My 2nd child, my son, started Kindergarten almost 3 weeks ago(we have year-round school here) and my youngest(4 yrs.) started a couple hours of preschool a few days a week. I’ve been consumed with everyone’s schedule, worried about them, volunteering, trying not to get too sentimental and start crying(though that was all out the window the first week). It’s that time of year again…
I know, I don’t know how I’m going to deal with this all-day thing.
it’s gonna be rough.
I can’t imagine how it will be when my youngest is ready to start school.
I’m all teary-eyed just thinking about it. 🙁
(I’m so glad you’re back!)
wow! …all day!… diego only get’s 3 hours… but that’s enough for me. i’m already starting to feel a little jittery and sad about the whole thing. it’s a whole new experience for him and us too…
be strong Kalurah 🙂
Now you know how your Mommy felt when you started kindergarten the first time at the tender age of 4! And 13 years later when your little brother started kindergarten at the age of 6 was even more difficult. It’s the idea of your baby being influenced almost exclusively by their parents for all their lives, to being totally without your influence for 6 or 7 hours a day. But you turned out quite well, even if I do say so myself, so I guess it’s okay to let your kids go to school after all.
Oh Kalurah, what a heartbreaker. Miles had to take two of those tests because his mommy couldn’t make up her mind on which school to send him to if any at all. They wouldn’t even let me be in the same room when he took the test!
I have to say in response to Zoe’s that Miles too wanted to stay longer each time. He was sad when he couldn’t go back the very next day. He’s doing great and so will Zoe. Now as for me, that’s still up for debate. The second week was so much harder.
p.s. I can’t wait to send you your shirt. It’s almost done and I think you’ll love it!
thanks for all your supportive words, ladies.
Galadriel,
I am so excited about that shirt!
I am going to blog all over this place about it when it arrives.
you KNOW I will!!! 🙂
P.s. It is done! Look for it this week!
eeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!!!!
🙂
aww mama! ya made me all teary eyed reading that (which is forbidden bytheway, so we’ll never speak of it again)
she looks so big standing in front of that door. You just have to tell yourself you did a good job preparing her for the world that she’s confident enough to WANT to go to school and not feel apprehensive about it. So good job mom!
=)
Kalurah,
You’re not allowed to do these things to me. I thought I was handling everything okay, tommorrow is it. Sydney will be in Kindergarten all day long after that. I had my tears when she wasn’t around and lept for joy in front of her and thought I was ready. Then you go and post that! Now I’m all nervous again, my stomaches in knots and I think home schooling is the only answer. Look what you’ve done!
Shell,
I think ALL moms go through this.
we are a united front.
we have to stick together and learn from each other.
I know I’m going to be absolutely psychotic throughout the entirety of the school year.
one day, I will be okay with it and the next, I’ll be making up an illness for her, so she can stay home with me for the day.
(on a more depressing note, this is just preparation for their teenage years!!)
be thankful this is just kindergarten and not HighSchool! 😉