motherhood is a life-changing event.
you grow to understand things that up until now, you couldn’t wrap your head around before.
like, for instance, your relationship with your own mother.
not understanding why she wouldn’t let you go to the dance with that boy that was 3 years older.
or why on earth she was so unreasonable when you had the brilliant idea of sneaking off to the dance anyway.
as I travel through this new life of mine, I find myself discovering moments where I actually understand what my mother was going through.
her thoughts.
her actions.
her feelings.
I find myself thinking, acting and feeling just as she did.
when my mom called me Wednesday evening, I felt my heart drop down so low, I could feel it resting on my stomach.
she had a Mammogram last Friday and her Gyno called her, wanting her to come back for a redo.
that’s all the nurse would say.
no “I’m sure it’s nothing. We just want to be safe.” shpeel.
only, “There was something on the film we need to check out. And then, we may send you to Ultra Sound.”
there was no comfort in those words.
I went with my mother to her re-check this morning.
I was upbeat, positive.
changing the subject every time she gave me a horror story passed on to her by aunt J.
I sat there in the waiting room, in the Mammo room and then in the Tech’s office.
praying.
praying silently.
so she wouldn’t hear.
hear how deeply frightened I was.
I didn’t want to lose my mom.
my mom lost her mom.
and I watched it tear her apart.
I love my mom.
I know she knows it.
and now, you all know it.
and you also know what the doctor told us when he read her film, today.
“It’s nothing. See you back in a year.”
no.
it wasn’t nothing.
it was everything.
everything I was agonizingly praying over.
my heart lifted again back into it’s rightful place.
and I was given a very stern reminder….
hug your mama tight.
8 responses to “hug your mama tight…”
I love you too! You do like to make me cry, don’t you?
I’m very happy to hear that you do appreciate what being a mother is all about. We’re always the “bad guy” since we do most of the disciplining. I really didn’t appreciate my Mom until I became a mother and realized just how heart-wrenching it can be.
You’re a wonderful mother and your daughter will think you’re terribly unreasonable, just like you thought I was, but someday she will also appreciate you.
Oh that is wonderful news!
My mom had a scare this summer too. Only she didn’t tell me about it and while she was out of the country for 2 months her DR’s office had to call and report the results to me. Which were that she needs to come back in 6 months.
Our mothers are our maps to the future. Loosing your mother is like loosing your directions in life I suspect.
I am so glad your Mama is OK. Those situations certainly remind us how precious we are to each other!
I never realized how much my Mom loved me until I had my own child. One night, when Margot was fussing and I went to her, just the two of us together while the rest of the world slept in the dark, it kind of hit me; MY Mom did this for me when I was like this. She would look at me and stroke my soft little head, and kiss my cheeks and smell my neck – just like I was doing with my daughter. Knowing another human being loves you like that is a feeling that can never be replicated. It really is pure, unconditional, and amazing.
It really is life changing in so many ways! And now I’m crying! At work! Crap!
Oh Kalurah, I’m so glad that you’re mother is ok. How frightening: ( Until I had my own children I never knew the love of a mother. It’s a sad story that I won’t go into, but having my own children and being floored every single day by how much I love them makes me see what mothers are to us all.
Who you are honors your mother so beautifully.
Oh, I’m so glad it turned out ok.
Oh, Kalurah! I’m either laughing or crying when I stop by your blog. Today, it’s crying. Your writing is fabulous. It takes us on your journey in such a relateable (is that a word?) way.
thanks, everyone, for all your thoughtful words and your personal comments as well.
believe it or not, I do NOT, in all actuality, ENJOY making you all cry.
Heather,
that is a beautiful sentiment you shared! 🙂
Lauren,
I am sorry I made you cry.
at work.
and say, “Crap!”.
Galadriel,
the motherly instinct is built in all of us. it matters not, what kind of example was shown us.
all that matters is that YOU are a wonderful, wonderful mom to your three kids. you have complete control over that. no one else.
(and it’s obvious to me that you DO!)
Bari,
THANK YOU!!!
you are too sweet.
and I’ll have you know, the second you utter something and click on “post comment”, it INSTANTLY becomes a word! didn’t know that, did ya?
*phew!* ya scared me for a sec. 😉
SOOO glad everything is ok.
I’ve had that phone call, and gone to the doctor’s office, and waited in that room, so I understand the fear.
We didn’t get the good news, so I’m ELATED that you did!